i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
