I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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