Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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