I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
