I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
