My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize