I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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