Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Randomize
