i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
