Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i think we sleep fucked last night...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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