you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
