Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize