you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
