Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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