i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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