Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize