I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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