I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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