nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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