So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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