I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
