Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
