puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dear god my vagina.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
