I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
