"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So much Jack, so little girl.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Shame - the story of my life.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
