Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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