My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
