fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
