I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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