It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
