Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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