just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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