I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
