I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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