I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
