May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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