I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
