Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
