hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
