was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
