K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My hand turned me down
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
