Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
