please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
my poor anus
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
