Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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