Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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