She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
