can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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