You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
