Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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