Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
