Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
