how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
