I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
