Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
