'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
